Changin’ it Up!

Hello Onion Peelers!  As you may have noticed, I have not written in a while.  I have been taking a bit of a break due to (among other things) a lack of inspiration.  I have had some significant changes in my physical surroundings, which has affected my internal state of mind.  In retrospect, I can also see how my previous internal state of mind may have been contributing to my physical circumstances.  A very interesting phenomenon…at least it is when you’re not in the heat of the moment.

Supermassive black hole

Trying to figure it all out and deal with my immediate circumstances while processing my emotions, fighting bad habits, re-programming my thinking, and combating negative self-talk is quite an exhausting  process and ultimately has been very self-defeating.  I have come to the realization that all of the running around I do in my head is actually quite a Catch 22 and has been contributing to my negative sense of being.  So, I am changin’ it up!  I am going to stop thinking about things until I have thought myself into a black hole of thoughts that lead to nowhere, and I am sticking to the basics!  What does this mean?  Well, it means that I am going to start tackling things in my life with the simplicity of a child, but with the security and confidence of an expert.

To begin, I am going to list the rules of the game:

1.  NO over-thinking.

2.  Listen to and trust your instincts.

3.  Always choose what feels right.

4.  Be grateful for what you have, and remind yourself of what you can do.

5.  Disconnect from negative thoughts whenever they come up.

6.  Do not engage in other people’s drama, even if it feels like fun!

7.  Remember that everything happens for a reason, and you don’t need to know why.

8.  Forgive yourself – every new moment is a chance to start over.

9.  Live in the present as much as possible.

10.  Be kind to your body.

Next, I am going to start putting my “mental money” where my mouth is and practice my own advice!  THINKING about the importance of positive thoughts and LIVING the benefits of positive thinking are two very different things.  Albert Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  Well, here’s to you Al…I’m changin’ it up!

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My Bucket is Overflowing!

When we are trying to make changes, we are often times our own worst enemy.  We want what we want, and we want it NOW.  Our impatience can sabotage all of the strides we make, sometimes even canceling them out.  Instead of focusing on the progress we are making, we fixate on the fact that we have not achieved whatever it is that we are trying to achieve.  When making a change of any kind, our minds have to adapt.  It has been said that it takes 21-days to make a new habit.  So why are we so hard on ourselves when things don’t happen immediately?

Sometimes when we don’t achieve what we were trying to accomplish in the time frame we expected it, we decide that means we are a failure.  Did you catch the key word there?  We DECIDE it means we are a failure.  A failure?  No.  This could not be farther from the truth.  In fact, we can just as easily DECIDE we are doing just fine and actually give ourselves some credit for the work we are doing.  Every step we make toward a positive change means that we are winners!

Let’s imagine you have a bucket full of muddy water.  The muddy water represents something you would like to change.  In line with our desire for quick change, the first thing we might think to do is dump out the muddy water and fill it with clean water.  Well, what if dumping out that muddy water and starting fresh were not an option?  Just like in life, we are often times faced with things that we cannot instantly change.  So, what do we do?  Well, we can start by pouring cups of clean water into the bucket.  Each cup of clean water we pour into the bucket displaces some of the muddy water, and  if we are persistent, eventually we will have a bucket full of clean water.  Each of the positive changes we make in our lives is the same thing as one of those cups of water being poured in the bucket.  No matter what kind of change we are trying to make, if  we keep moving steadily toward our goal, we can have confidence that at some point those changes will add up and we will have accomplished our goal.

When we take a step in the wrong direction, we haven’t failed; we just need to get back on track and fill up a new cup of water to add to our bucket.  We also have to be patient and remember that most changes don’t happen overnight.  Whether the change we desire is tangible like losing weight, or it is something more subjective like having more positive thoughts…big or small, those cups of water make a difference!

So?  How full is your bucket?

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Motivation: How to Stay in Control

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” ~Wayne Dyer

Whether it is about losing weight, quitting smoking, finding a new job, or learning a new skill, there is only one thing that we need to have in place to accomplish our goal: MOTIVATION.  If we put our minds to something, we can accomplish anything.  A lot of  times, however, the challenge is not getting motivated, but staying motivated!

How we we stay motivated?  We begin with great motivation (“Diet starts Monday!”), but then somehow things get in our way and we cannot accomplish our goal.  A lot of the time, we feel like we have no control of these things when in reality, the things that really get in the way are our own desires and urges.   It is human nature to seek out what we feel will give us the most pleasure and the least pain.  Who wants to feel uncomfortable, and if having what we desire will make the uncomfortable feeling go away, of course that is what we gravitate toward.  We seek out whatever action is less painful, so it only makes sense that we will choose to have those french fries when we are hungry and the craving for what we want is making us uncomfortable.  If we believe the french fries will make us happy and also take away the pain of not having them, pleasure over pain will win every time.  The trick is to find more pleasure in NOT eating those fries.  And that is where our control comes in!

We may not feel like we have control over our desires and urges, but we DO have absolute control over our actions.  Admittedly it can be a challenge sometimes, but we have complete control over whether or not we do something.  In order to maintain the power to do something or not to do something, you have to continuously remind yourself WHY you want to do something.  Make lists, cut out pictures, think about what you will do when you achieve what you are working for.  Give yourself all of the “cheat sheets” and study guides you can to help ease you through the tough moments.  The pleasure of accomplishing what you want to accomplish has to outweigh the pain of not having or doing what you want.  The end result has to outweigh the immediate discomfort, and we are the ones who control the choices that make things happen.

We have the CHOICE to be miserable, or to change things.  We have to be patient with ourselves; we need to continuously remind ourselves of the rewards the better choice will bring when we are feeling challenged.  It is not about making the challenges go away, it is about staying in control when facing those challenges.  You can do anything you set your mind to, because you are the only one in control of your mind!  You can do it!

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How to Attract Abundance into Your Life

How do we attract abundance?  How do we open ourselves up to receive what we want in life?  There is a simple way to start receiving more in your life:  In order to receive, we need to give.  When we give to others, we not only help them, we help ourselves in so many ways.  Of course, we are able to enjoy the wonderful sense of well-being that comes from helping another person, or supporting a cause we believe in, but when we give we also attract similar opportunities to ourselves.  Whether it is the giving of our time, our attention, or making a financial contribution, when we give something freely, it attracts more of whatever it is we gave back to us.

You see, what we do is mirrored back to us, and when we give, we send a clear message to the Universe.  Perhaps someone will make efforts to spend quality time with us, we will receive a bonus check in the mail, someone will go out of their way to help us when we are in need – we attract the spirit of helping back to us by sending the message with clear intention, and we send the message to the Universe by giving.  Now, we cannot give with the underlying motive that we expect to receive something in return, because this is actually false giving.  We need to give with pure motives and a sense of knowing that what we are doing is making a difference.  We must feel the sense of peace that accompanies giving – that is how we know the giving was done with pure intention.

Each month, I am making a commitment to giving something of myself to someone or something else.  I have decided to choose a cause each month and give a donation of at least $25.  There is no reason why I cannot come up with $25 a month, even when money is tight.  Even more valuable, each month I will give a minimum of 2 hours of my time.  Even with the busiest of schedules, there has to be at least two hours that can be carved out to help someone.  Volunteer opportunities are available for so many kinds of different causes: animal shelters; homeless shelters; retirement homes; boys and girls clubs; literacy programs; letters for service men and women.  The opportunities are endless!

While you are at it, look at your family and see who could use some of your extra attention?  Maybe your parents could use a visit, or give some extra one-on-one time to your children?  Perhaps a cup of coffee with a sibling you haven’t spent much time with lately, or stop by and play a game with an elderly relative?  And what about YOU?  How much time have you spent with yourself lately?  Giving is addictive…the more you give, the more you will want to give!

What are you going to do this month?  Share your ideas with others and ignite the spirit of giving in someone right now!

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Exclusive Articles!

Please check out my latest article, What Causes Stress? written EXCLUSIVELY for The Huffington Post! (click the link below)

What Causes Stress?  “Stress is not something that happens to us as a result of outside influences. We can choose how we react to outside stimuli when they occur. We can either find a way to change a situation, or we can accept it.” ~Denise Scarbro

Review my Featured On page for additional EXCLUSIVE articles written for The Whirling Blog, The Huffington Post’s GPS For the Soul, Healthy Living, and Books sections, and more!

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Are These Magic Seeds?

Would you question the intention of an apple seed?  Would you look at a seed inside an apple you have just sliced open and say, “So?  What is it that you are here for?”  Would you wonder if, after you planted that seed, you would find a watermelon?  A fluffy rabbit?  No, I think we can safely say, without even confirming with anyone, that the intention of that apple seed is to create an apple.  The seed, once planted, will sprout into a seedling.  That seedling will grow into an apple tree.  Beautiful white and pink blossoms will appear on the tree in the spring, and we need not mourn the falling petals of those blooms, because those blooms will soon turn into delicious fruits.  The intention of an apple seed is to grow an apple.

What is your intention?  If you were a seed, what would you grow into?  By intention, I do not mean what are your plans, or what do you going to do with your life?  What I am asking is, what is the dominant force within you?  If you were a seed planted into the ground, would you grow into a watermelon?  A fluffy rabbit?

We are all created with an intention; a flowing current that drives what we are to become.  Does this mean we are born with a pre-destined path to follow?  No, absolutely not.  We have free-will, which is one of the beautiful benefits of being a human being.  What it does mean is, we have been programmed with good and loving intentions.  We are entitled to abundance and well-being, because this is our intention.  Just like the intention of the apple seed is to grow into an apple, our intention is to live in peaceful harmony, be of service to others, experience love and happiness.

We begin our lives with this as our intention, and our direction is carved by the experiences we have during our life.  We are a blank canvas, and our choices create the picture we create.  But if, just for a moment, you sit in the stillness and listen for that dominant intention, you will feel its presence.  We sometimes lose the identifiable connection to our intention when our perceptions are clouded with ego-based thoughts.  Insecurity, arrogance, hatred, and disappointment are all born out of the ego.  The ego’s intention is to keep us separate, and it does this by whispering thoughts in our ear.  We are very different from an apple seed.  The choices we make are sometimes inspired by our desires, our fears, or our conditioning; we are conscious creators, whereas the apple seed has no choice.  The apple seed will turn into an apple, no matter what thoughts or ideas are suggested to it.

In Snow White, when the wicked witch extends her hand to Snow White with the red apple, we know that it has been poisoned by the witch.  As we watch, we yell at the screen, “No, Snow White, no!” when she accepts the apple that is handed to her.  Snow White does not question the intention of the witch; she has the appearance of a harmless old lady.  The connections Snow White has made in her mind with what to expect from a little old lady do not signal danger to her.  And why would a delicious red apple be deadly?  Snow White knows the intention of an apple, but the witch has altered the reality.  The apple is no longer in harmony with its intention; this apple is not a healthy delicious fruit, it has been bewitched to cause Snow White to fall under an evil and deadly spell.

What if we look at this story from a different angle?  Instead of “witch,” insert the word “ego.”  Instead of “apple,” insert the words “dominant intention.”  Can you begin to see how things get a little tricky?  Although those ego-based thoughts may appear to be harmless, our ego thinking has the ability to poison our intention.  Like the little old lady, those ego-driven thoughts can slip right under our radar.  They do not outwardly appear dangerous, but they have the ability to distract us from our true intention by infusing our minds with fear, insecurities, arrogance, doubt, or the need for approval.

So what can we do to keep the witch from appearing in our window with a poisoned apple?  We can unplug ourselves from our ego, and plug back into the flow of our intention whenever she arrives.  How do we do that, you ask?  We do that by being aware of our thoughts and surrendering to the force of intention within us; we use our free-will to focus our energy and not succumb to the ploys of the witch.  Our dominant intention is always there, it is always peaceful, and it is forever yours.  All you have to do is reconnect.  Sometimes it takes practice, but the ability to realign with our intention is always within our reach.  When we are in sync with our intention, we can eat all the apples we want!

*To understand more about intention, I highly recommend reading Wayne Dyer’s book, The Power of Intention.  A wonderful book available from Amazon: CLICK HERE.

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Gather Around For a Game of Cards

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”  ~Randy Pausch

Imagine yourself sitting around a table playing a game.  The dealer shuffles the cards, and you anxiously wait to see what you have to work with so that you can plan your first move.  The dealer begins to deal the cards, and you pick up each card one by one as the dealer goes around the table.  Each card is flipped over and added to your hand, and you automatically begin to strategize.  You start making combinations figuring out what cards you need to complete your next move, and once the cards are all handed out, the game begins.

Each person plays a card, and the turn inevitably works its way to your side of the table.  Now what?  You have to decide how to play your hand.  Strategy, instinct, training, and skill all influence your choices.  What to do?  All eyes around the table are on you, the dealer awaits your move.  The room is quiet; a trickle of sweat runs down your neck.  What’s your move going to be?  You throw down your cards and say, “I don’t like these cards; I want a new hand.”

Wow.  Game over.

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What if, instead of trying to change the cards you have, you spend that energy devising a plan to make the turn play out in your favor?  You regroup the cards in your hand, size up the situation, and then determine what needs to happen in order for you to make a move.  You plan and strategize, and the turn travels around the table.  New cards are introduced, and with each new card played, a new opportunity presents itself for you to revise your plan.  If you spend your time trying to figure out how to get a new hand of cards instead of figuring out how to play the cards you’ve got, you will lose the game every time.  Now, instead of cards, let’s think about how this applies to other areas in our life.  Are you going to ask for new cards, or are you going to play smart?

It’s your turn…go show them what you’ve got!

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